For Mothers: A Few Goodbyes

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there, moms-to-be, and never forgetting the moms who have gone ahead of us on to glory. It is promising that we still have a day set aside for celebration and hopefully REFLECTION of our own moms, ourselves, and the legacy we are ultimately leaving behind.

As I sit here writing when I want to clean the house and prep for an upcoming garage sale, I am reminded I need this MORE. Need what? I NEED times of reflection, of internal mental, emotional, and spiritual REST for my soul. My children are a wonderful blessing, and as of yesterday we now have our first teenager! As I love to watch them bloom and grow there is another part of me that fears the “children” I used to know: the ones that wouldn’t have to have a friend over to have more fun because mommy, daddy and siblings were always enough, and the ones that didn’t talk back and hurt my feelings so casually.

Perhaps you are in this spot with me. Hearing lies from the enemy that come through the mouths of your children in a moment of anger? This has happened recently in my home and of course it’s so tempting to just believe them, to punish myself for not being the mom that meets their every desire. But, as I speak with God throughout the day, He helps me to discern. Yes, sometimes I can use feedback to improve. However, more often than not God reminds me to say BYE to the LIE. Satan is the Father of lies (John 8:44) and we as humans can unassumingly broadcast them if we don’t tame our tongues. I thought today: How ironic that Mother’s Day is tomorrow and yet how underserving of being celebrated I can be made to feel! Seasons in life can be joyous and yet overwhelming; let me share with you a few more GOODBYES that happened within the past few weeks.

I always want to be real and raw, so I will tell you I have had my fair share of amazing and ugly emotions these past months. We were in Ecuador in early April spending time with a wonderful team of 11 students and 3 adults from our church doing ministry together. It was a taste of heaven on earth in terms of the unity of the Spirit and the mission we embarked on as a team. Devastatingly, towards the end of the trip I received some horrific news: my niece had been a victim in a domestic murder-suicide, she being the one murdered by her ex-boyfriend with her two-year-old daughter found alive by her side. Unimaginable pain. It was and still is so hard to process. Grief can be unsettling, though I know she knew Jesus and was coming closer to Him even more before her life was taken from this earth. Being out of the country, we attended the funeral service for her online, watching my brother-in-law and sister speak of a daughter who was so dear to their hearts, who had just turned 22 years old a week prior to her death. The last message I wrote to her was on her birthday, telling her we loved her; my final sentence was: “May Jesus accompany you today and in the gift of this year.” How could I have known she would be in His presence within days? Goodbye, sweet Sara, but just for now; we WILL meet again.

Bittersweetly, another goodbye was coming the week we got back: a family we met last year from Iran who have become our family, spending all holidays and celebrations with us, was moving away to Kansas. As we got together with them it felt surreal to say goodbye so quickly. You see, an amazing new job was in place for them and we knew God had answered our/their prayers after 6 months of waiting and no offers. Tears and sorrow mixed with joy and laughter. My coping mechanism was remembering they are not gone from this world, rather just relocated. Ultimately I am thrilled that they are still in the same country with us, and that we are able to regularly keep in touch. Goodbye-but God willing we shall see them soon.

Springtime is a season symbolized by new birth. Nevertheless, we may forget that just as babies are born so others pass away, no matter the season. In the last few years we suddenly lost 2 dear cousins, at ages 37 and 40, and now a young niece. GOODBYE, for now.

And then there have been the “little goodbyes” but they also count: goodbye to the fifth grade girls I worked with at church who are moving up to middle school, and goodbye to the mission’s trip team that we did life with almost 24/7 in Ecuador! After all these goodbyes, my heart was compartmentalizing the painful emotions; it’s very hard for us to process events in life when many of them happen in such a short span of time. Last month was a season of GOODBYES.

And so I pray: JESUS, help me to accept the ending of many different chapters and the START of Your new work. YES, God can and will do something NEW and AMAZING in the midst of a tragedy (Romans 8:28). It is not in my nature to rejoice in changes, even positive ones. I tend to cling to the familiar and fear the unknown-I think most of us do! Dear sisters, let’s allow ourselves to take time to STOP and REFLECT, which may require asking someone else to take over and give us a break (babysitter, family member, husband, or a trusted friend). It can refresh our souls and be our lifeline to hearing from God again in this loud world that surrounds us.

Below I wrote a short, simple poem entitled, “GOODBYE and HELLO” about the cycle of life as a mom:

Goodbye to sleepless nights, dirty diapers and temper tantrums.

Goodbye to baby gates, child-proof locks, and car seats!

Goodbye to tub baths, cloth-paged books, and onesies.

Goodbye to baby teeth, mommy dressing each child, and gummy smiles.

HELLO to football games in the street, Barbies galore and slime labs taking over my kitchen!

HELLO to teen years, family bike rides, learning tennis, and theater performances.

HELLO to discovering the Bible together: praying for, teaching and being an example of Christ to my children.

HELLO to the adventure of life with unique individuals who I pray will long to follow hard after Their Creator.

Goodbye to thoughts of perfectionism and “best mom.”

HELLO to Jesus as my ultimate identity.

Goodbye to feeling alone and misunderstood.

HELLO to being cared for by the One who made me.

Goodbye to the ideal mom and perfect children.

HELLO to Christ IN ME and in THEM. Amen.

Happy Mother’s Day, dear ones. Let us rejoice and REMEMBER WHO we are: HIS. No matter how much you give and sacrifice today, remember HIS love and devotion are greater towards you. Draw close to Him, dear mama. Each GOODBYE produces a miraculous new HELLO.