It’s been a few weeks since I’ve shared, which feels weird because of having gone through a summer where I plunged through writing one or more entries each week! This post will explain why.
I recently met with some faithful women who intentionally followed my blog this past month, and I asked them to write down what word encapsulated their last four weeks. I myself wanted to have a happy, uplifting one to describe my month, but I was honest and wrote ANXIOUS; that was how I had felt more often than not.
ANXIETY in the dictionary reads, “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” WORRY and UNEASINESS were overtaking my spirit and ultimately my ability to not only enjoy but to even eek out my day.
When I pondered why I had anxiety, I realized my mind was going a mile a minute:
1. The upcoming school year, as August is already here, and how much I had planned on having done by now and don’t!
2. Being completely drained at the thought of managing our home (with all that entails), including the daily routine of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner as a family of six now! (let alone making my grocery list and buying the food to do it)! I enjoy the art of meal preparation, and yet the thought of new meals each day, each week easily becomes overwhelming.
3. Having a million ideas in my head of what to do coupled with a lack of energy to carry them out (I was fighting a virus for part of the time). This includes simply being tired of making decisions and then second-guessing them constantly throughout my day (even simple ones, like which park to go to)!
4. Bothered by hearing my name in a whiny tone by one or more of my children countless times each day….and feeling like I’m never enough.
The product of all the pressure: Anxiety which leads to paralysis. It’s amazing how in my head I kept thinking: ENJOY, soak up this time with the kids, but the majority of the past few weeks I seriously struggled with feeling like “I just can’t get ahead of ‘it.'”[Quote from one of my favorite movies of all times MOM’S NIGHT OUT…if you haven’t seen it you don’t know what you’re missing!] Another quote from the movie that I can relate to in my anxiety-state is, “I can literally feel the house getting dirtier!” I wish my environment didn’t affect my internal state of well-being so much, but I’m working on that!
Yesterday I hit an emotional wall when I was going through clothes for each of our children and sorting out what stays and what goes for the upcoming fall season. I told my husband that I couldn’t do “this” anymore while sobbing, that I wanted to sell the house and just get away from “stuff.” (I don’t do well with disarray and a chaotic-looking environment). Thank goodness he was not in the mood I was, and helped me calm down with a hug and some help! (Did I mention I made the mistake of also going through our entire basement, including the kids’ toys at the same time?! I was overworking myself!)
I am accepting the fact that I am experiencing anxiety at this point in my life more often and, recently, on a daily basis. When I met with some of those lovely women who followed my blog, we were all able to mutually challenge one another to make reasonable, specific and measurable goals for the upcoming month. It’s funny because we naturally started conversing about food, and began sharing various recipes. At the same time we were all relating to the fact that sometimes laziness takes over or we just need some new creative ideas for the kitchen. It comforted me to know I am not alone in feeling stuck and overcome at times. Yet, I don’t want to keep saying, “I can’t” but rather, “God can.” HE can take over in my anxious heart, dropping down His perfect peace even when all I feel inside is chaos.
There are the practical solutions we can implement to curb anxiety/preoccupation. Here are a few I have clung to in this time:
1. Play music or enjoy silence (sometimes the latter is better depending on the day)!
2. Make a daily, weekly, or monthly meal plan to calm that stress. I was looking at a blog with free templates for monthly meal plans and I literally thought it was in-sane to do that; now I’m converting!
3. DO LESS-If you have kids, get down and play with them. It is thearapeutic for me to play Barbies and board games with my children when I am in an anxious state of mind. God uses play-time to renew my mind and help me to trust in Him, as a child does, for all my needs. Stop trying to get through a to-do list when you are feeling overwhelmed. Take time to REST and RELAX.
4. Write down a few DO-able goals for the month with sub-goals of how you are going to get there. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable and attainable. One of mine for this month:
1.BIG GOAL: FINISH planning for the 2018-2019 school year
sub-goal #1: Each week M-F do four lesson plans
sub -goal #2: On weekends do two lessons.
5. Let at least one other person know-Choose someone you know will listen and pray for you when you are feeling anxious. The body of Christ is made up of people, and we are to be His hands and feet and heart of love for one another. By sharing with others your struggle, you are giving them an opportunity to fulfill God’s calling to minister to you!
6. Do some physical activity whether it be running, riding your bike, mowing the lawn, or a trip to the gym. Our bodies were meant to work and this creates a state of internal balance and wellness.
7. Go to bed earlier and/or take a nap! Many times I know I just need a good solid sleep before I become too irrational and stress-ridden in my thinking.
The other day when I was truly anxious and panicked inside I later told my children that I was sorry for my reactions with them (I felt a lack of love and appreciation for them in my heart and I didn’t want my husband to see that either). Do you know what my kids said? They were shocked and unfazed, replying that they didn’t think anything was wrong. Lesson: the way we feel may or may not be what our family portrays. It’s okay to have “off-days” or times when we need to remind our children that mommy is worried and needs a hug and perhaps some time alone.
I can’t function well for myself or for my family when my mind is consumed by the to-do’s and not the BE’s. I need a daily reminder: I want to BE a mom who enjoys a morning with my children and is present for them, not just worried about getting breakfast on the table to pacify them. I want to BE a mom who looks forward to PLAYING with my children, both outside at a park and inside (blocks, Barbies, trucks, Nerf war, reading, whatever it may be). When I let anxiety win, I am choosing to not believe God’s promise to take care of ME.
Give grace to yourself. Forgive yourself, because Jesus does and will if you but ask Him.
I would be doing a great disservice by not providing THE ULTIMATE remedy to ANXIETY: SPEND TIME WITH JESUS! Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30 that He wants to take our heavy burdens and give us HIS because, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” The practice of mediation is popular around the world, but just quieting your heart is only half of what we need. If you are not filling it with Jesus, His words, His presence, you are still depending on you, which is not enough.
I’m not enough. Praise God! The world preaches the opposite, which is false. We are told to applaud others and ourselves when “we overcome.” NO. Careful, as here is the truth: We are NOT enough, and never will be on our own. How does that help me? Knowing Christ IS enough, and HE is my strength and PEACE.
BE A TREE OF HOPE, and let JESUS be THE peace that calms our anxious hearts!
Thank you, Lexi! It's always inspiring to hear the testimony of others who struggle and yet point me back to JESUS, our ONLY TRUE HOPE! That is what you always do, and I thank you for that my dear. 🙂
Another beautiful honest testimony of God working through you friend!