Recently in a few of my friendships, in my marriage, and with my children, I have seen the benefits of intentionally speaking words of affirmation. What I mean is instead of waiting for a “special day” such as Mother’s or Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas or a birthday to express how much I care for and appreciate someone, I do it when life is ordinary, when people least expect it.
In my marriage, I have found that with the stress and work it entails to raise four young children, I need to be particularly intentional. Before I started homeschooling, I had the habit of writing sweet personal notes to my husband and sticking them in his lunchbox on random days. A few times the kids and I have blown up balloons, put up streamers, and prepared some special artwork and loving cards to give to daddy when he arrives home after a typical day at work. Life may be ordinary, but it becomes an extraordinary day of celebration. More recently, I am making it a habit to gaze into my husband’s eyes, approach him with a warm hug, an “I love you,” and remind him how I am forever grateful that he chose to marry me.
As parents, we are used to saying, “GREAT JOB” and “WOW” if our child does something praise-worthy, and that is very important. I have also found that going beyond those generic estimable expressions and more specifically communicating how I feel about my children can be significantly impactful. For example, today I called my son Bennett over to me and told him I have noticed his obedience and helpfulness lately, and how I treasure that about him. I thanked him for being responsible, for being my special helper if I ask for something, as he is always willing and available to lend me a hand. He was both thrilled and bashful, letting me kiss him all over his soft cheeks afterwards! There’s that longing in all of us to receive those priceless words of affirmation, especially from our parents.
Now, being a mom of young children in particular is a job in and of itself. Sometimes I am so overcome with keeping my kids safe and amused that I don’t always think of how I can bless another person during my day! But, God’s consistent conviction in my heart says, “It doesn’t take much to bless somebody, just willingness.”
A few weeks ago I met up with a friend of mine, and we both needed some encouragement in different areas of our lives. At the end of our time sharing and praying, I spoke directly and intentionally: I told her I saw Jesus taking her through life, that she is beautiful inside and out, how devoted she is as a wife and mother, and that she can depend on my support amidst the struggles of life. I could see her spirit completely lighten up, and she ended up sharing some special words of affirmation towards me. This was much more than just, “Thanks for getting together and I really enjoyed the time with you.” The words we exchanged were powerful; they were words you would want to say to someone you may not see again, but you are desperate for them to know how much worth they have in God’s eyes and in yours.
Another opportunity I had to speak directly was with my children’s Sunday school teacher. She has faithfully taught two and three-year-olds for more than thirty years, seeing many little boys and girls grow up into adulthood! God put her on my heart, and we got together just the two of us. I was able to express my gratitude for her diligent and loving service to children, and tell her how gentle, kind, and compassionate she is especially when there is a child that needs extra love and attention (many times mine did)! In the process, she poured into my life as I simply listened to all God has done in hers; there is much to glean from the older and the wiser generation.
One of my favorite ways to intentionally speak is to complete strangers. It is so tempting to float through the day with little thought towards the many people all around us. When I can quiet my heart and ask for God to guide my steps, there are opportunities to brighten a stranger’s day. One of the more memorable times was with my hairdresser. I was able to share a bit of God’s work in my life. Afterwards, I told her I knew she had a special talent for cutting hair, and a sensitive and open heart towards God. That happened the first time I ever met her, the first time she even cut my hair!
It’s like those movies where you see the characters interacting, spending time with one another, but never directly communicating what each one really needs to hear from the other. The result is usually feelings of insecurity, unworthiness, broken relationships, and disillusionment. Lies concerning who we are can be devastating, including the ones we come to believe in our own minds.
Maybe you say what you feel easily, or maybe it’s something more private and unnatural for you to attempt. Pray to God and think of someone that you can verbally affirm this week. Try to go deeper than just a “one-liner”; think of a few ways this person has touched your life. Enjoy blessing someone with purposeful words spoken with a heart full of God’s love towards them!
Wonderful Scripture to quote, my dear. You too are very affirming in a gentle and kind way, dear Katie. 🙂
Krystal, I've always known you to be a person who excels at affirming others with your words in a most genuine and loving way. Thank you for your words over the years and for the reminder of how important it is to "encourage and build one another up" (1 Thess. 5:11).
Theresa, thank you very much for saying this. I am humbled to be a blessing for God's Kingdom here on earth!
God bless you always, dear sister in Christ! You bless me immensely as well. 🙂
Krystal, sometimes I wish I have met or known someone like you years ago, I think my Christian walk with the Lord would be different in many ways. However, I know our God's infinite wisdom is beyond my comprehension, He always has a perfect timing for everything.I didn't know anyone like you years ago maybe because I was not ready. I am thankful to Him that He brought you to my life after many years' of praying. He has given you a spiritual insight that is beyond your age, I knew you are different when I first met you, there is something about you that attracts people to you – I called it the fragrance of Christ! You genuinely love and care about people, how strange is that – LOL. Thank you for following God's leading to start this blog so you are able to bless us with your postings.
Yes, a small act of love towards someone can be enough. I struggled for awhile with always feeling like I was doing so many little things for people, and it felt insignificant. But, when I reflected on the many little ways others were blessing me, I realized how important each seemingly small act brightened my day! Thank you for this reminder.
With so many instances of, "no," "stop doing that," "you made a bad choice," "you need a time out" throughout the day it actually does ME some good also to praise my children for their unique gifts and personality. Sometimes a simple text message to a friend or spouse it all it takes to brighten their day and give them encouragement. I know when it's done to me that the smallest words of affirmation go a long way!
Marcia, Thank you for sharing how you desired a more friendly atmosphere, and you started with yourself. Greeting those you walk by in that way is intentional, direct, and special. You created a different standard for those you interact with, and people are blessed to come into contact with you because of it!
Glad you can apply something to your marriage as well. I always love a good surprise as it reinvigorates excitement inside of me! God bless you always.
I realized that a simple good morning can make someone feel acknowledge and important. Every morning in my way to work I made part of my routine to say good morning to everyone that quickly passes bye next to me. First and foremost I need to tell you that I live in an area were people are too busy to acknowledge someone else.
Few months back I decided to acknowledge people in my way to work by saying good morning. At the beginning of this commitment people weren’t too perspective and I got back some crazy looks.
Recently I noticed that those people that at the beginning didn’t say good morning and give a crazy look now are being responsive. Now a days they look for my greeting every morning.
I realized that it is all about re-training ourselves in behaviors. I realized that if i wanted to see something different in others I needed to change first.
I am definitely going to take something from you! I loved what you share about leaving those special notes to your husband. I think that is a great idea since it builds a sense of surprise and re-builds the excitement in the relationship.
Thank you for your beautiful blogs.