RESPECT! Here is the dictionary definition: “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.” After reading the definition, I concluded that technically respect requires you to at least know something about the other person, whereas courtesy and manners can be demonstrated to complete strangers.
We seek respect from others, which usually includes a relationship with them. WHY do we long to be respected? Personally, I desire to be respected because it affirms that others deeply care and admire who I am and what I stand for, who God has molded me to be.
At the park today, a neighbor of ours related a story of a few twelve year old boys who took his daughter’s backpack and threw it over the fence into the woods, and then the boys swore at him when he asked them to go and get it! His words were, “I can’t believe kids and the respect these days.” He was really trying to convey the LACK of respect present in society, otherwise known as disrespect.
I looked up DISRESPECT in the dictionary and found, “lack of respect or courtesy” and “insult.” The synonyms for disrespect include “contempt, disdain, scorn, and disregard.” Ouch! Disrespect can display itself strongly or subtlety in our lives, and may go unnoticed if we’re not careful.
I looked up DISRESPECT in the dictionary and found, “lack of respect or courtesy” and “insult.” The synonyms for disrespect include “contempt, disdain, scorn, and disregard.” Ouch! Disrespect can display itself strongly or subtlety in our lives, and may go unnoticed if we’re not careful.
I am bringing up the topic of respect because I know how valuable it is for relationships to thrive, and without it how detrimental. The moment we feel disrespected in any way (NOT admired, disregarded, insulted), the relationship HAS been damaged. Oh, and the disappointment, anger, rage, and hatred that can fester from it when forgiveness in our hearts doesn’t happen quickly, regardless of whether the other person requests it.
At times it’s a challenge to be respectful towards my own children! They are always with me during the day, and patience can be hard to come by. Yet, I don’t want to treat them with less respect and get “sloppy” with the responses I give or the tone of voice I use. These are my precious gifts wrapped in little bodies. The same is true with my marriage, and how quickly I can say or do something knowingly or unknowingly that disrespects him.
Disrespect happens within marriages, towards close friends, co-workers and with family members. Just like gossip, other forms of disrespect are abusive; they commonly rear their heads behind closed doors, seemingly “hidden sins” that only one or a few may witness.The result is an ugly portrayal of disrespect towards those we love most. I believe the strongest emotions and mistakes come from the lack of respect we experience by others both in words and deeds.
In my life, the tempting part is to “keep score” and focus on how OTHERS come up short and disrespect me. We, as human beings, love to point the finger at someone else and THEIR bad behavior, which can puff up our own false image. Along the same line, how often do we criticize people behind their backs, and then hypocritically complain when we are disrespected?
Paul in The Bible expresses in 1 Corinthians 12:20, “For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.” It’s important to note that Paul was writing here to BELIEVERS in Christ, struggling with these sins! Gossip and slander are frequented avenues of disrespect in a dangerously secretive way. We MUST get rid of these damaging habits if we are to emanate Christ and be in tune with God’s vision and heart. Conviction!
At times it’s a challenge to be respectful towards my own children! They are always with me during the day, and patience can be hard to come by. Yet, I don’t want to treat them with less respect and get “sloppy” with the responses I give or the tone of voice I use. These are my precious gifts wrapped in little bodies. The same is true with my marriage, and how quickly I can say or do something knowingly or unknowingly that disrespects him.
Disrespect happens within marriages, towards close friends, co-workers and with family members. Just like gossip, other forms of disrespect are abusive; they commonly rear their heads behind closed doors, seemingly “hidden sins” that only one or a few may witness.The result is an ugly portrayal of disrespect towards those we love most. I believe the strongest emotions and mistakes come from the lack of respect we experience by others both in words and deeds.
In my life, the tempting part is to “keep score” and focus on how OTHERS come up short and disrespect me. We, as human beings, love to point the finger at someone else and THEIR bad behavior, which can puff up our own false image. Along the same line, how often do we criticize people behind their backs, and then hypocritically complain when we are disrespected?
Paul in The Bible expresses in 1 Corinthians 12:20, “For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.” It’s important to note that Paul was writing here to BELIEVERS in Christ, struggling with these sins! Gossip and slander are frequented avenues of disrespect in a dangerously secretive way. We MUST get rid of these damaging habits if we are to emanate Christ and be in tune with God’s vision and heart. Conviction!
To sum up, let’s look to Our God, Our Savior, Our Example! Jesus was a man who gave respect and who was, is, and will always be the MOST worthy of it, our admiration. When He confronted Satan Himself as well as his hate-filled captors, His words and silence exuded truth and love. Jesus also boldly and lovingly stood up for and defended women who were disrespected during his lifetime here. Respect showed up in one of his closest relationships, referring to his earthly mother as “dear woman” (John 2.4) and caring for her with comforting words up until his death on the cross.
This week my kids are memorizing Luke 6:31, “Do to others what you would have them do to you.” The verse encapsulates respect at its finest because Biblical respect is truly LOVE, many times undeserved. In my closest relationships, am I being respected and intentionally showing respect? When was the last time you were disrespected? Now, when was the last time you disrespected someone else? Which example was harder to think of? Ponder that.
RESPECT. This one cuts deep when it is lacking, and brings an abundance of good when it is present. It’s easy to point out when others fall short of it, so this week focus on YOU.
Continue to be a TREE OF HOPE in CHRIST for the world to behold!
This week my kids are memorizing Luke 6:31, “Do to others what you would have them do to you.” The verse encapsulates respect at its finest because Biblical respect is truly LOVE, many times undeserved. In my closest relationships, am I being respected and intentionally showing respect? When was the last time you were disrespected? Now, when was the last time you disrespected someone else? Which example was harder to think of? Ponder that.
RESPECT. This one cuts deep when it is lacking, and brings an abundance of good when it is present. It’s easy to point out when others fall short of it, so this week focus on YOU.
Continue to be a TREE OF HOPE in CHRIST for the world to behold!
Your words are filled with truth! It is crucial to remind ourselves not to focus on past failures or habits that were disrespectful. We need to ask for forgiveness from those we have disrespected and then pray to God for His help in showing respect even when we are overtired, stressed, angry, etc. We will fail at times, but being someone who is respectful to others is a way to shine Christ, and shows your self-control even in tough situations. God bless you and thank you for always teaching me more about this with your patient and loving demeanor. 🙂
Krystal what a great post! I appreciate each one of your words. Many times I have taken for granted the kindness of my husband and family.
It is very easy to get used to someone’s care and not appreciate their love. Just a simple smile can send appreciation and love to the people we care.
A commitment I made to my self was to be aware of my actions, mindful of my body language, words, actitudes and much more.
Every day is a new beginning to show just a little bit of respect To the ones we love!
I can only say THANK YOU VERY MUCH for opening up about life with your kids, husband, and exposing the areas that I'm sure we all need to improve upon, asking for God's special work. This was the hardest post thus far to write, and I think it was because it was more a definition of terms and an overall glimpse of RESPECT and DISRESPECT. You brought it all together for everyone by relating it very specifically to life. VERY well said, and I am encouraged to tame my tongue too!
Great post Krystal! And very timely for us as well, we were just talking about this with the kids. The other day, the kids were playing outside and one of my kids felt compelled to tattle on their sibling for doing something bad, but failed to tell me that they had done the same bad behavior as well and had done it first, which prompted their sibling to copy their bad behavior! Although I didn't love these choices my kids made, it provided a great teaching opportunity about how we need to focus on correcting our own behaviors first before pointing out the bad behaviors of others!
It seems God is always using the kids to point something out to me! I've so many times have been telling the kids something and completely stop and realize that what I'm telling the kids is exactly what I need to do and what God has been showing me and patiently waiting for me to realize.
This topic hits home for me a lot as God has been working on me a lot in the way I speak to others this past year! He's been helping me to see how short I can be with a harsh tone, careless comment or how easily I show annoyance and how this can be really disparaging to my family. He's been really teaching me how to control my tongue and to only use it to bless, uplift and encourage others. Praise God for His faithfulness in doing a good work in us as I see his work in my life and feel the gentleness of his teaching and guidance!
I was also just reading the other day about the one flesh that is created in marriage and it just really spoke to me in a new way that I'm praying will help me speak more fruitfully towards Jose. When we are married, we are not two separate individuals trying to coexist, we are one. For your spouse to feel pain is for the you to suffer too. For your spouse to experience spiritual victory is for you to be successful as well. Too often in my marriage I have forgotten that we are one and have viewed my marriage as two people trying to coexist. And when I speak in a way that cuts into Jose it hurts our union. I too often think that Jose is a big, strong man and can handle things and doesn't need me being sensitive to him, and encouraging, but I've learned how wrong that is. Men need affirmation and encouragement and praise way more than I ever realized.
Thank you Krystal for the truth you've reminded us of and the encouragement to work on ourselves!
I appreciate you sharing that you are already using the word RESPECT with your kids. We may think they aren't capable of understanding, but the more they hear it when you give examples of how to show it, and point out areas where they are respecting or disrespecting others, the more they will learn and grow in this area. I too am trying to bite my tongue and be silent until I am ready to approach those I love the most in a respectful tone, and in love first and foremost.
Also, you brought up a great point with your husband, and I have heard the advice given that we should be uplifting them in front of others, not degrading them. What a witness we are to the world when we choose to see and share their strengths first, rather than bemoan their weaknesses, and pray for our spouses. Marriage is such a glorious picture of God's ultimate handiwork, two becoming one. Thank you VERY much for sharing!
I know I have personally been using the term respect a lot these days with my older son as he is able to comprehend the meaning now..to a degree. But I am also guilty of not reciprocating the respect as I become easily annoyed or angered by situations after a series of disobedient moments. A good reminder as Shannon said to know the difference between stern and speaking out of anger in the heat of the moment….sometimes harder to do when you are pregnant and just extra hormonal! In regards to marriage I was told by a friend recently that she admired how I always spoke well of my husband. I graciously took that compliment because I know I have made a specific effort in recent years to do just that out of respect for my husband, even when he is not present. *side note* I will not be singing that song in my sleep;)
Thank you for sharing how crucial it is for husbands to feel respected, and how thanking them reaffirms them. I appreciate you sharing how to help a child "try again" when giving a response without a respectful tone, and I think I may need to practice that myself!
I am glad you mentioned the benefits of seeking forgiveness when a relationship has suffered some form of disrespect. In marriage itself, the healing and stronger relationship that comes afterwards is worth the humility it may take to apologize.
One thing I learned in mom’s group over the past year is that husbands feel respected when we wives say thank you. When we take a moment to acknowledge something they did to care for the family or the yard, they feel respected. With kids, the biggest challenge for me is maintaining the fine line between being stern when I need to and not yelling out of anger. Sometimes my daughter calls me out on it when I ask her to talk with respect. She says, “But you were yelling!” Oftentimes I wasn’t yelling but rather raising my voice. I can tell the difference though when in my heart, the anger is taking hold and I am speaking from that anger rather than being firm. When my child says something with a disrespectful tone, I read on another mom blog about using the phrase, “Do you want to try that again?” That gives them the chance to stop, think, and speak again with more respect.
With other adults, I think it’s important that when we feel disrespected, we think and pray on it for awhile and then try to have a loving conversation with the other person, so that as you point out, it doesn’t fester and create barriers within relationships. Certainly, if we have disrespected someone else, intentionally or not, it takes a lot of humility to approach them and apologize. But there can be a lot of healing and a stronger relationship afterwards.